Picks for all 1100 College Football Bowl Games

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl - Nevada vs. Louisiana-Lafayette

Bowl season kicks off with this match up of college football titans in a building that is best known for it's brief run in 2005 as the world's largest toilet. To be honest I didn't actually know Nevada had a football team before making this pick. I was under the impression that nobody has ever spent more than 5 consecutive days in the state of Nevada. The Ragin' Cajuns, an unstoppable Sunbelt Conference powerhouse, have won the last 3 consecutive New Orleans Bowls and absolutely nothing will stop them from a 4th title.

My Pick: Louisiana Lafayette*
*I definitely probably didn't make this pick after the game was already over.


Gildan New Mexico Bowl - Utah State vs. Texas-El Paso

According to Wikipedia, Gildan is a manufacturer of undecorated blank active wear which why you've heard of Nike, but not Gildan. Utah State is both a land-grant and space-grant university. Unfortunately being a space-grant university does not mean that the federal government gave them a piece of outer space for their campus and as of the time of this writing no portion of their campus is located in outer space. Even more disappointingly, there is a such thing as sun-grant universities and none of them are located on the sun. UTEP is known primarily for two things: having more NCAA men's basketball national championships than big brother UT-Austin and having more overthrown frisbees get lost in Mexico than any other college campus.

My Pick: Utah State*
*I definitely probably didn't make this pick after the game was already over.


Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl - Utah vs. Colorado State

Automotive lubricant brand Royal Purple was granted the naming rights to this game after the NCAA decided to pretend it has morals and rejected the highest bid from Las Vegas' most popular brand of lube, KY. The highlight of Utah's season came in a game against Oregon when wide receiver Kaelin Clay decided to drop the ball at the one yard line which was returned 99 yards by the Ducks to turn an apparent 13-0 lead into a 7-7 tie. After the game Clay's girlfriend was heard defending him by saying, "To be fair it's not exactly a secret that he likes to finish prematurely." Colorado State University is known for having strictly enforced rules not allowing females students to live off campus or go out at night until well into the 1960's. When the rules were finally overturned, the university released a statement saying, "I'm too high to give a fuck."

My Pick: Colorado State

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl - Western Michigan vs. Air Force

What makes Idaho potatoes so much bigger and more delicious than other potatoes? Probably the radiation from all the nuclear research that occurs in Idaho. Western Michigan is the first of the directional Michigan schools to play it's bowl game this year. WMU is located in Kalamazoo which is best known as the place the Black Keys went to get away from you. The Air Force Academy has an 18 time national champion boxing team. The focus on creating a prolific boxing team arose because of the propensity for air combat to break down to hand to hand battles.

My Pick: Air Force

Raycom Media Camellia Bowl - South Alabama vs. Bowling Green

The Raycom Media Camellia Bowl, not to be confused with the more popular Culture Club Karma Chameleon Bowl, features South Alabama vs. Bowling Green. The University of South Alabama is best known for it's four decade long legal battle with the United States of America over the trademark for the moniker USA. The United States eventually won the battle after getting a $4 billion donation to their legal fund from defense contractor Halliburton. It is also known for it's excellent 57:43 female to male ratio. Bowling Green State University was originally founded as a normal university which means it was founded specifically to train people to be teachers. This is opposed to abnormal universities which train people for professions that don't involve spending 8 hours a day trying to reason with children and teenagers. That makes sense.

My Pick: Bowling Green

Miami Beach Bowl - BYU vs. Memphis

The Miami Beach Bowl, held in the state of Florida which is known for making great decisions, is held in a baseball only facility despite the existence of an NFL football facility in the same town. BYU is famous for dismissing a basketball player from the team for having consensual sex with his girlfriend. This incident was cited by Jameis Winston when he chose Florida State over BYU. The University of Memphis is home to the FedEx Institute of Technology which trains the next generation of cyborg delivery drivers.

My Pick: BYU

Boca Raton Bowl - Marshall vs. Northern Illinois

Boca Raton is the home of the vegan Boca Burger, so basically this game is going to leave the taste of cardboard in your mouth. Most of Marshall's football team died in a 1970 plane crash, but the program was able to march on do the inspirational leadership of replacement head coach Matthew McConaughey. Northern Illinois' all time best player and Heisman Trophy finalist, Jordan Lynch, was recently cut by the Chicago Bears. Yikes.

My Pick: Marshall

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl - Navy vs. San Diego State

This game has hands down the best bowl name. The only game that could compete was the Beef O'Brady's St. Petersburg Bowl which sadly no longer exists. The current United States Naval Academy was founded in 1845 to replace the Philadelphia Naval Asylum. The Asylum was named as such because you would have to be insane to join the Navy. A part of the SDSU press is known as Hyperbole Books. That's the kind of name that inspires confidence in the press and the academic quality.

My Pick: Navy

Popeye's Bahamas Bowl - Central Michigan vs. Western Kentucky

Let's be real. If you were a top recruit and you could go play for a team like Oregon and go to the playoffs or you could go to Central Michigan and play your bowl game in the Bahamas while presumably being fed Popeye's chicken, you'd go to Central Michigan. If I were their coach this would be a central part of my recruiting strategy. Ask a CMU student what they're most proud of and they'll tell you that their wrestling team is better than big brothers MSU and UofM. I too would be proud of grown men wearing spandex and rolling around on the floor together. Western Kentucky University is located in Bowling Green, KY. This Bowling Green is known for being worse than the previously mentioned Bowling Green and this KY is known for being worse than the previously mentioned KY.

My Pick: Western Kentucky

Hawai'i Bowl - Fresno State vs. Rice

The Hawai'i Bowl exists solely so that students can try to convince their parents that they have a legitimate need to go to Hawai'i. Fresno State has an on-campus vineyard that produces grapes for both wine and raisins. Who the fuck would waste perfectly good grapes on raisins when you could make wine? Rice is a small university in Texas which a couple years ago joined the long list of schools you've never heard of that beat Purdue at football.

My Pick: Fresno State

Zaxby's Heart of Dallas Bowl - Illinois vs. Louisiana Tech

Zaxby's is a southern chicken restaurant that was named when one of the founders had that set of letters in scrabble and had to pass his turn. According to Wikipedia Zaxby's is a strong supporter of the Make-A-Wish foundation in honor of the children that wish their parents would cook them a real meal instead of taking them to Zaxby's. The University of Illinois is known for banning students and faculty from expressing political opinions in any form including wearing buttons on campus and having bumper stickers on cars parked on campus. Of course this isn't all that surprising as the ban occurred in the long ago year of 1950 2008. The mascot of the male Louisiana Tech teams is the bulldog while the female teams are known as the Lady Techsters. This is because of the well known fact that there is no such thing as a female bulldog.

My Pick: Louisiana Tech

Quick Lane Bowl - Rutgers vs. North Carolina

Quick Lane is the name of service centers at Ford Dealerships. Ford decided to place the Quick Lane name on a bowl game as part of an effort to distance it's service centers from the historically low quality Ford brand name. And what better city to host a low quality bowl put on by a low quality sponsor than Detroit? This new bowl game also represents the Big Ten's efforts to freshen up it's bowl lineup by replacing the old Little Caesar's Bowl with a new bowl in the same stadium on the same day. In the B1G's defense they did include the freshest member of the conference, Rutgers, who is also the lowest quality bowl eligible member. I literally can't think of a more perfect marriage of team and bowl game. Rutgers was founded as Queen's College in 1766 making it older than the country itself so at least it has that going for it. North Carolina has been known in recent years as a highly overrated basketball team which allows it's mediocre football team to fly under the radar.

My Pick: North Carolina

BITCOIN St. Petersburg Bowl - NC State vs. University of Central Florida

St. Petersburg was once home to the high end Beef O'Brady's St. Petersburg Bowl, but this year has been knocked down a couple rungs on the later with it's new sponsor the flash-in-the-pan digital currency BITCOIN which was recognized as a revolutionary new form of currency for about a week and a half. The highlight of NC State's season was being one of about 23 teams that almost beat defending national champion Florida State only to blow it at the end. UCF is the largest undergraduate university in the entire nation with 52,532 undergrads and the second largest university in the nation when grad students are accounted for. Unfortunately for the university none of those 52,532 undergrads are particularly great athletes.

My Pick: NC State

Military Bowl Presented By Northrop Grumman - Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech

Northrop Grumman is one of the nation's top defense contractors and brings in about $25 billion per year from government contracts despite several well known incidents of knowingly providing the US military with faulty equipment. It's sponsorship of this football game represents about 0.00001% of it's sponsorship budget with the rest going to politicians.  UC, known as such because I don't want to spell out that city name again, is led by President Santa Ono, son of Yoko Ono and Santa Claus whom Yoko had a brief affair with after the assassination of John Lennon. After Claus refused to leave his wife, Ono was raised solely by his mother. Before pursuing a career in academia he tried a career in music but all of his band's broke up. Virginia Tech is known as a generally terrible team who no longer has any fans because their heads all turned into massive hot air balloons after a fluke win against Ohio State and then popped the following week causing all of the fans to fall back to the Earth and die.

My Pick: UC

Hyundai Sun Bowl - Arizona State vs. Duke

Hyundai, aka Italicized Honda, is known for it's series of rather unremarkable cars. Arizona State was a win over in state rival Arizona away from playing Oregon for the Pac-12 crown and a shot at a respectable bowl. Instead they will play the Sun Bowl in El Paso, TX where most of their underage players will likely wander across the border to get drunk where they will only be saved from cartel related deaths by getting thrown in Mexican prisons and becoming the wives of cartel members. Duke has almost know football history and one of the most hated basketball teams in the history of the sport. Last year's 52-48 loss to Texas A&M in the Chick-fil-A bowl represented the first time ever that most of the country rooted for a Duke team.

My Pick: Arizona State

Duck Commander Independence Bowl - Miami vs. South Carolina

This game, sponsored by Karl, King of Ducks, pits two once proud, now pitiful programs against one another. Miami has won several (probably cocaine fueled, pure speculation) national championships but none since 2001. Recent teams have been so bad that now when most people hear the name University of Miami they think about the one in Ohio. South Carolina's mascot is the Gamecocks which at best refers to a bird that is hunted for sport and at worst is wildly inappropriate. Who thought this was a good name for a team? At least Steve Spurrier's interviews are amusing.

My Pick: South Carolina

New Era Pinstripe Bowl - Boston College vs. Penn State

It's kind of ironic that a company called New Era has decided to sponsor a bowl put on by an organization that prides itself on history and tradition. The two teams fit the venue much better though. Boston College still bases its entire reputation on the history of a single hail mary from the 1980's. Penn State is still clinging to the history of their recently deceased (and disgraced) former coach who died at the age of 307 after coaching for just over 200 years. This is Penn State's first bowl since the world found out that former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky liked to diddle little boys in the locker room.

My Pick: Penn State

National University Holiday Bowl - Nebraska vs. USC

This is the only bowl game that is sponsored by a university that doesn't have a football team. Nebraska was ranked for most of the year but a late season slide led to the firing of coach Bo Pelini. The firing ended years of internal conflict for Nebraska fans who are nicer than Canadians and hated Bo Pelini's style of being generally unfriendly but liked that he won games. USC player Josh Shaw began the season by injuring himself jumping off a balcony to save his nephew from drowning in a pool run away from the police. This represents the biggest lie by a USC football player since Matt Barkley said he was going to return for his senior season to win a national championship.

My Pick: USC

AutoZone Liberty Bowl - Texas A&M vs. West Virginia

This game is a showdown between the former schools of NFL superstars Johnny Manziel and Geno Smith. A&M recently left the Big XII to get out from the shadow of big brother Texas, a wise move since Texas has been such force to be reckoned with in the years since. Texas Jr. started the season with a huge win over an overrated South Carolina team and immediately anointed Kenny Hill as the second coming of Jesus Johnny Manziel Christ and then benched him for poor play a few games later. West Virginia is a state that formed under questionable legal circumstances to support the Union in the War of Northern Aggression when the rest of Virginia seceded. Since then West Virginia has developed a reputation of being a land of hill billies who's sole political stake is supporting a dying coal industry with a university full of students willing to riot for just about any reason.

My Pick: West Virginia

Russell Athletic Bowl - Oklahoma vs. Clemson

Russell Athletic is a brand of athletic apparel that sponsors a bowl, much like Gildan, simply so that people know it exists. In fact typing Russell Ath into wikipedia will get an autofinish of Russell Athletic Bowl before Russell Athletic (brand). It was a good year for former Oklahoma football players in the NFL, led by strong seasons from Adrian Peterson and Sam Bradford. Founded in 1890, OU is a rare case of a state university that was founded before the state. Clemson is a sea-grant university which like the space-grant and sun-grant universities discussed earlier does not actually mean that it is located on the sea which is massively disappointing. Wikipedia has a picture of campus covered in snow which is the equivalent of the apocalypse in South Carolina. It is highly likely that many people took to underground bunkers that day and have yet to reemerge.

My Pick: Oklahoma

AdvoCare V100 Texas Bowl - Arkansas vs. Texas

AdvoCare is a nutritional supplement company. I always thought it was an automotive care company. This blog is extraordinarily educational. Arkansas had an excellent year if you only counted 3 quarters of every game, but several close losses dropped them into a matchup against lowly Texas. Arkansas is coached by Bret Bielema who is the second coach the team has tried out since Bobby Petrino proved how much money he had by going on a motorcycle ride with his young, attractive mistress. Bielema was formerly at Wisconsin which he left because honestly who would want to live through a Wisconsin winter? The Texas bowl was given the gift of a lowly University of Texas team who's fans will sell out a terrible game because they think that highly of their team. Texas is known for turning out high quality professional prospects such as Vince Young and Colt McCoy.

My Pick: Arkansas

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl - Notre Dame vs. LSU

There is literally nothing more American than a mortgage. The only thing that's almost as American is hating Notre Dame. The catholic school from South Bend somehow managed to make it through the season without killing off any fake girlfriends, but that's about the only bright spot in their season (unless you count beating Purdue, which nobody does). Losing five of their last six games dropped Notre Dame to the Music City Bowl where they will take on a far superior LSU team that dropped this far because of a brutal SEC schedule. LSU has maintained a relatively clean reputation, but isn't without controversy. A 2003 plan that would have moved a parking lot to a former farm and the farm to a former parking lot was criticized because of the soil quality at the new farm site. This incident did not get the attention that it deserved because it did not occur in an election year.

My Pick: LSU

Belk Bowl - Georgia vs. Louisville 

Bilk is the abbreviated form of Billy Goat Milk with Belk being a common mispronounciation. Georgia's top player missed most of the year after it was discovered that he was paid for his autograph. What on Earth would we do if we didn't have the NCAA to be our moral compass? Louisville is a strong team whose only unjustifiable loss was an early season loss to Virginia. Louisville is known as the first university to be owned by a city and the place where the pap smear was developed.

My Pick: Georgia

Foster Farms Bowl - Maryland vs. Stanford

This bowl is sponsored by the Foster Farms poultry company, not to be confused with the Foster Farms Dairy which was founded by the same people but is an entirely different company because really how hard would it have been to come up with a different name. Maryland is known for its ridiculously stupid uniforms that are so bad they don't deserve to have anything else said about them in this blog post. Stanford continues to prove that it isn't as good without Andrew Luck's terrible beard leading them. Little known fact: the full name of Stanford is Leland Stanford Junior University. It's not well advertised because nobody would want to go there if they knew that.

My Pick: Stanford

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl - Ole Miss vs. TCU

Not only is Chick-fil-A not in the peach market, but they aren't open on Sundays which makes them a terrible company because I only crave them on Sundays. Oh, and the whole anti-gay thing isn't cool either. Ole Miss is known for the desegregation riots of the 1960's and the fact that they get dressed up for football games like it's a job interview. Despite this negative legacy they rallied the country behind them with some major early season wins, unfortunately their season was pronounced dead when receiver Laquon Treadwell simultaneously broke his leg and fumbled what would be the game winning touchdown on the one yard line against Auburn. TCU's sole loss, a 3 point shootout loss to Baylor should have been enough to get them into the first ever college football playoff but they were penalized by the committee for the being the alma mater of Andy Dalton.

My Pick: TCU

VIZIO Fiesta Bowl - Boise State vs. Arizona

VIZIO switched its sponsorship from the Rose Bowl Game to the Fiesta Bowl which quite honestly made more sense with Tostitos as its sponsor. Boise State began its run toward elite status with a one point overtime victory in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl that included a hook and lateral to tie the game in the final seconds of regulation. Boise is handicapped by my hatred for them because of their stupid blue field. Arizona continues its Rich Rodriquez LOL Michigan I Told You So tour with a season that only would have been made better by a second win over Oregon. Arizona is handicapped by being the alma mater of my ex-girlfriend.

My Pick: Arizona

Capital One Orange Bowl - Mississippi State vs. Georgia Tech

Capital One is moving up in the world by sponsoring what used to be the FedEx Orange Bowl. Mississippi State is the more likable brother to Ole Miss because they don't wear dress clothes to football games and they embrace cow bell. Together with Ole Miss they made the state that nobody on Earth ever wants to travel to the center of the football universe for a couple weeks. A respectable loss to Alabama wasn't enough to knock them out of the playoff picture, but jealous brother Ole Miss would have none of that so now they face Georgia Tech on New Years Eve. Georgia Tech has satellite campuses in France, Ireland, China, and Singapore, but none in the sovereign state of Georgia.

My Pick: Georgia Tech

Outback Bowl - Auburn vs. Wisconsin

In the heart of the brutal Wisconsin winter it was announced that they would be losing both their head coach and Heisman finalist running back. How cruel. At least they can eat their feelings in the form of a deep fried bloomin' onion. Auburn was founded in 1856 as the East Alabama Male College and was famous for its sausage. In 1892 they formed a football team and started admitting women to attract football players to campus.

My Pick: Auburn

Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic - Michigan State vs. Baylor

The Cotton Bowl game is no longer played in the Cotton Bowl which now hosts the Heart of Dallas Bowl. The game is instead played in a giant warehouse in Arlington that was originally built to hold Jerry Jones' ego. Michigan State University is best known as the alma mater of Toby Towson, champion gymnast and former Sesame Street muppet performer. Baylor is in Waco, TX where in 1993 an ATF raid of a religious cult compound led to the deaths of 4 ATF agents and 6 cult members. The raid was followed by a 51 day siege of the compound followed by the FBI burning the compound to the ground and killing 76 people.

My Pick: Baylor

Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl - Minnesota vs. Missouri

How is this a New Years Day bowl? Does anybody want to see this? Missouri lost to Indiana at home.

My Pick: Minnesota

Rose Bowl Game Presented by Northwestern Mutual - Oregon vs. Florida State

This is the first of two semifinal playoff games. The Oregon Nikes come in at number 2 with their sole loss to Arizona having been avenged in the Pac-12 championship game and are poised to end Florida State's massive win streak. Florida State is the defending national champion and is undefeated over two full seasons thanks to the talent of Jameis Winston who chose FSU on the strength of their tolerance for crime policies. Winston will play in one final game before following FSU predecessor EJ Manuel to NFL glory. Don't be surprised if you see him on the sideline snacking on crab legs between drives.

My Pick: Oregon

Allstate Sugar Bowl - Alabama vs. Ohio State

We're in good hands as we get set for the second bowl game to be played in the Katrina Toilet Bowl. Ohio State is widely regarded as the worst school to ever exist and is single handedly driving many fans to root for Alabama for the first time in their lives and hating themselves for it. Alabama will look to summon the magic that they haven't had since their most famous football alumnus, Forrest Gump, played several decades ago.

My Pick: Alabama

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl - Houston vs. Pittsburgh
TaxSlayer Bowl - Iowa vs. Tennessee
Valero Alamo Bowl - Kansas St. vs. UCLA
TicketCity Cactus Bowl - Washington vs. Oklahoma St.
Birmingham Bowl - East Carolina vs. Florida
GoDaddy Bowl - Toledo vs. Arkansas St.

These post-New Years stinkers exist long after my attention span for bowl games (and for writing this post) has run out. East Carolina went on a glorious non-conference run before stinking it up in its mediocre conference. It seems like Arkansas St always plays in the GoDaddy bowl, I think they could go 0-12 and still get in. The only decent game of the bunch is K-St vs UCLA which pits two formerly ranked teams against each other in the best stadium in the entire country, the Alamodome.

My Picks: Pittsburgh, Tennessee, UCLA, Washington, Florida, Arkansas St.

College Football Playoff National Championship Presented by AT&T - TBD vs. TBA

Both of these teams will be really strong, but To Be Determined just sounds so much less confident than To Be Announced.

My Pick: TBA

I Respond to Another Greenpeace Article

I've done this once before and felt like doing it again. Original Greenpeace article is in black and green and my comments are in red. Original article: http://www.greenpeace.org/international/en/news/Blogs/nuclear-reaction/nuclear-power-reliably-unreliable/blog/50384/

The nuclear industry tells us that nuclear power is a reliable energy source, that it offers "energy security". Tell that to Belgium and the UK who are seeing significant parts of their nuclear fleet shutdown. Let’s talk reliability. From January 2011 to October 2013 (most recent data available), nuclear power’s capacity factor led all sources of energy. The most reliable renewables, waste and geothermal, clocked in at about 70%, just shy of nuclear’s minimum during refueling outage seasons. Wind and solar PEAK at 40%, just over half of nuclear’s minimum. (http://www.eia.gov/todayinenergy/detail.cfm?id=14611). So yes, Belgium and Britain, nuclear is a reliable energy source.  

It's been confirmed that the major damage that shut down Belgium's Doel 4 reactor was caused by sabotage. It’s green because it was a link in the original article. You can head over to the original and click the link or you can be lazy and believe what I’m about to say. The sabotage’s only impact was financial to the company and in no way risked the public’s safety. Oil was drained from the turbine likely by a disgruntled employee. This prevents the plant from putting power on the grid but in no way compromises any of the nuclear systems. Such sabotage could happen at any plant that uses turbines (coal, gas, geothermal) and is no more serious than a disgruntled employee damaging company property at any company on Earth. Meanwhile, cracks found in two other reactors – Tihange 2 and Doel 3 - means they may never reopen.  From the link: “…may need to remain closed until spring or may even remain shut permanently, VRT reported citing sources.” A few months to forever is kind of a big range. By the way, saying “citing sources” doesn’t mean they actually cited any sources. No sources could be found anywhere in the article. The true answer is that the cracks are almost certainly repairable, but the company may choose not to repair them depending on the cost and other factors such as how long the plant is licensed to run. News flash: old plants eventually shut down and some shut down sooner than others if they weren’t as well taken care of. This happens with every structure ever constructed. The three reactors make up over half of the country's nuclear power output.

(Worryingly, there are 22 other reactors around the world that share the same design as Tihange 2 and Doel 3.) Old plants had minor cracks that were found by regular inspections. When initial repairs didn’t completely work, they took conservative action and shut down to better understand the problem. Other companies have the same design and likely have similar inspection programs. This is terrifying. I might not be able to sleep tonight.

In the UK, four nuclear reactors – at Heysham and Hartlepool – are out of action while defects are investigated. A small crack was found in the boiler of a single unit. The company took conservative action and shut down all four units with the same design to make sure the rest weren’t also affected. In other news, 100% of the United States’ solar capacity was out of action last night while the disappearance of the Sun was investigated. (http://xkcd.com/1391/)

There have previously been issues with nuclear power plants being closed in EU and USA at times of drought because of water shortages. This is true, but hardly relevant. See paragraph one relating to capacity factors and the breaking news story above about the sun disappearing. I hear it’s not even the first time that’s happened.

What fills the energy gap while these "reliable" nuclear reactors are shut down? Usually coal and gas.

Belgium is having to rely on electricity from its neighbours. So much for nuclear power giving the country energy security. He’s right about this one. France, Holland, and Germany are known for their lack of security. (See: WWII).

In the UK, things are much more optimistic. That’s not true. It always rains and Manchester United can’t buy a win. Renewable energy has come to the rescue. "Demand is low at this time of year, and a lot of wind power is being generated right now," said the UK's National Grid. Electricity supplies have been unaffected. I repeat: “Demand is low at this time of year, and a lot of wind power is being generated right now.” So what happens when demand rises and/or the wind isn’t blowing?

What lessons can we learn here? I haven’t learned anything other than that this fucknugget is really good using logical fallacies.

Firstly, the idea that nuclear power is a reliable energy source that offers energy security is a myth (nope), particularly in a world where aging nuclear reactors are coming to the end of their lives. Apparently we are now advocating not replacing any old infrastructure when it comes to the end of its life. That sounds sustainable.

Secondly, we see a reversal of the view that renewables need to be supported by nuclear power. Although nuclear and wind power do not have the same generation characteristics, nuclear reactors now needing to lean on renewables means the nuclear industry has a big problem. Only if we cherry pick one example during from a windy day with low electricity demand.

More and more nuclear reactors will be closing in the coming years as they reach retirement age. The nuclear industry simply can't build replacement reactors quickly or cheaply enough to fill the gap. Actually they can. Most current reactors have 15-20 years left on their licenses and many will be applying for 20 year license extensions that will bring the total life of the plants to 80 years. That’s more than enough time to build replacements. And since he doesn’t have a source yet again, I’ll show you mine…yet again. A study by the UK government (the homeland of the sad fellow that wrote this article) found nuclear to have the lowest lifetime cost of any power source and even lower capital costs per megawatt than any source of renewable power with the exception of biomass. (https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/65713/6883-electricity-generation-costs.pdf)

That's a gap that renewables and energy efficiency can exploit safely and reliably. We’ve already disproved reliability. As for safety: (http://www.offshorewind.biz/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/UK-Swedish-Academics-Study-Wind-Turbine-Fire-Incidents.jpg) As the recently released 2014 World Nuclear Industry Status Report says…

[B]ig thermal plants running whenever they're available are replaced by cheaper-to-run portfolios of renewables (unsubstantiated), mostly variable renewables, that add up to "virtual baseload" supply—collectively providing reliable electricity from a shifting mix of resources. This way of operating the grid is analogous to a symphony orchestra (as Rocky Mountain Institute's Clay Stranger puts it): no instrument plays all the time, but with a good score and conductor, beautiful music is continuously produced. This approach is unfamiliar to traditional utilities, but it works. So the solution here is to build twice (or more) of the megawatt capacity and only run half of it at a time. I’ll let you decide if that makes sense.

The wind across the UK is playing some beautiful music right now. I personally find wind chimes to be more of a nuisance, but to each his own.

Here we have yet more reasons to abandon nuclear power. It's not reliable and does not guarantee energy security. It's not your friend (Other than my best friend and pet rock, Jerry I don’t know of any other inanimate objects capable of being your friend) and is going to let you down sooner or later. I think he’s confusing nuclear power with the Milwaukee Brewers.

Icelandic Dream Vacation

 Day 1: Cool Story, Bro. Did you find $5 at the end?

Our flight from JFK finally took off at 12:30 AM eastern time after a one hour delay. Unsurprisingly nobody thought a $200 travel voucher was a fair deal to delay their flight to MOTHERFUCKING EUROPE because the airline was too incompetent to sell the correct number of tickets. Finally shortly after 10 AM local time we landed in grey, overcast Iceland for our dream vacation. After a series of unfortunate events we got separated in the airport and I ended up processing through customs without Perry. When he made it out about an hour later he explained that by the time he made it to customs there was nobody there so he had to hunt down an airport employee and eventually got processed through in the customs office instead of at the normal booths, but he found $5 in a bathroom stall so it all worked out.

After a 45 minute cab ride into the city, we dropped our luggage off at the hostel and headed into the city. This is where you’d expect something interesting to happen, but I literally just bought a hot dog with the special Icelandic mustard and a Coca-Cola Light (what they call Diet Coke) and we killed some time before we could check into the hostel and take a nap. Eventually we were able to check in and get that nap, but Perry slept longer than me so I listened to some homeless British kids play music in the lobby. Eventually we would start our first night in the city at the hostel bar where we first met an Icelander named either Tony or Cody or something like that whose dream vacation is to visit a Walmart in the American Deep South and people watch. We then held the NAFTA 2014 summit with a Mexican couple that I would guess is in their mid-30s and a Canadian ice road trucker. The Mexican woman was quite distressed to learn that we’d be spending nine days in the Icelandic wilderness without a plan. There is a very real chance that she’s still worried about our wellbeing to this day.

Finally, at something like 11 pm it was time to head out for our day on the town, or night on the town, or whatever it was. Either way it was about 2 hours before the locals even thought about heading to the bars. Of course, despite the wide variety of bars in Reykjavik, we didn’t really have a choice. The only bar for us was Lebowski Bar. That is exactly what you think it is: AN ENTIRE BAR IN ICELAND DEVOTED TO THE BIG LEBOWSKI. It’s pretty mind blowing.

Unfortunately we were partied out by about 2:30 AM and while most locals were walking the other way toward the bar, we were walking back to the hostel for our first night of sleep in broad daylight. The Dude would have been disappointed in us.

Day 2: That’s a Penis

Day 2 started solidly at 7 AM with the antics of the You’re-gonna-miss-your-flight kid. It went something like this:

“Nico, you’re gonna miss your flight.”

“What?”

“It’s 7 AM, you’re gonna miss your flight.”

“What?”

“NICO, It’s 7 AM, you’re gonna miss your flight.”

“What?”

“You’re gonna miss your flight.”

“Go back to bed.”

“YOU’RE GONNA MISS YOUR FLIGHT.”

“Go back to bed.”

“I’m not going to bed, I’m going downstairs. Get up.”

“Don’t worry about it, man.”

In case you wondered, Nico went back to sleep. I have no idea if he made his flight. The thing Nico had going for him is that he wasn’t alarm guy. Alarm guy is an asshole.

After waking up for the third and final time we headed out to Reykjavik to see the sites.

Interesting note about the church: In the year 1000 AD Iceland was approximately a 50/50 split between Christians and believers in Norse paganism. Fearing religion would divide the country, the parliament voted to become a Christian nation, the only known nation to establish an official religion by vote.

After seeing the lesser sites Reykjavik had to offer we headed back in the direction of our hostel (Hlemmur Square) which as fate would have it was located right across the street from Iceland’s most important attraction, the Penis Museum. We didn’t take any pictures inside the museum, but suffice it to say that if you’ve ever seen the tip of sperm whale penis you’ll never look at pulled pork the same way again.

After our (a)rousing adventure we headed back to the hostel with our newly purchased map from the tourist info center to begin planning our trip. We sat down at the hostel bar with a couple pints of Gull (the Budweiser of Iceland, except if Bud was $9 a pint) and marked up our map while the same homeless British kids from the day before played their music. We would come to learn later in the show that they probably aren’t homeless and they are a band called Rum Buffalo. They were in town to play at the Secret Solstice Festival and the hostel owner, Klaus, had allowed them to rehearse in the lobby. So, just a side note, when Rum Buffalo becomes the next big thing, just know that I saw them play two free shows in the lobby of a hostel in Reykjavik, Iceland before they were cool. Also, I’m not a hipster.

As the night wore on I went to a room behind the bar to watch the US-Portugal match with a Portuguese man and a German while Perry stayed at the bar at first and then eventually went to watch the sunset with Canada Ice Road Trucker and two of our other friends that I haven’t properly introduced yet, a British nuclear waste consultant who was also Ice Road Trucker’s love interest and Fleming the Icelander who is in favor of shooting children in the neck with novacane. (Quick note, there was actually an official sunset and sunrise that were about two hours apart in the south and a half hour in the north, but the dusk/twilight period could not by any means be described as dark.) Shortly after the game ended, Britain and Canada returned from their sunset viewing experience without Fleming and Perry. Canada and I sat at the bar where the awesome hostel night shift clerk continued to serve us well after the bar closed. Around 2 AM Fleming returned Perry to the hostel and we sent him off to bed after about 20 minutes of letting his drunk ass entertain us. All we know of Perry’s night is what Fleming told me which is that he eventually expanded Perry’s horizons from beer to wine and Perry screamed at the piano to “Sing me a song, you’re the piano man.” There is also a picture on Fleming’s phone of Perry pretending to be frightened by a statue of a troll which is probably floating around Icelandic social media sites.

Day 3: Screw You TLC, We’re Chasing Waterfalls

Blackout Perry failed to plug in his phone which somehow survived until the alarm went off, but Perry immediately turned it off and went back to sleep without telling me. Luckily I was too paranoid to sleep so I was still awake in time to meet the rental car delivery man who dropped off Ichiro Suzuki, the noblest of steeds, pictured below after an adventure later in the week.

Once we got Perry up and ready to go we picked up our camping gear and groceries and left the city in search of grand adventures. Our first stop was Þingvellir national park which is located on the divide between the North American and EurAsian tectonic plates. This is also the location of the first parliament which was founded in 930 AD. From our understanding of the brochure, in the first picture we are standing on the edge of the North American plate with the valley below us being the land that has formed from lava as the plates separate and then farther in the distance is the EurAsian plate.

 

 

From there we continued on past Geysir to Gullfoss. We decided to skip Geysir, the original geyser which gave its name to all others, because our research and tips from locals suggested it was essentially inactive and its rare blows were chemically induced. It turns out it could be seen from the road and we did catch one of its rare blows but weren’t quick enough to snap a picture. Gullfoss was the first waterfall on our list, but after the stop at Þingvellir would be our second of the day. Little did we know we’d go on to see so many waterfalls that I would eventually threaten to punch the next waterfall I saw.

 

 

From the parking lot at Gullfoss we could see the edge of a glacier in the distance and decided we’d try to get to the glacial lake at the end of it so we took Ichiro on the first of many F roads. F roads are the minimally maintained roads through the interior of the island that are rough, one lane wide, and often require you to ford rivers (who said all that time spent playing Oregon Trail in school wouldn’t pay off?). It is also illegal to take any vehicle other than a 4x4 on these roads, although we did see some people try. Eventually we came to a river that wasn’t suitable for fording and didn’t make it to the glacial lake, but we knew immediately from that trip that the investment in a 4x4 was worth every penny. If any of you ever go, you absolutely must get a 4x4 and do the F roads.

 

 

From there we headed on to our final destination of the day, Landmannalaugar. En route we saw some beautiful landscape and our first of two arctic fox sitings. Unfortunately the pictures from the campground were taken the next morning when it was rainy and gross. The beauty around the campsite when we arrived was really indescribable. And Perry’s fording of the final river was nothing short of a work of art.

 

Day 4: Welcome to the Hotel Vík

 

Tuesday morning we awoke with grand dreams of hiking the Landmannalaugar area, but it was not to be. The temperature was 45 degrees and there was a heavy rain that thanks to the high winds was falling sideways. It’s a good thing we were smart enough to check the weather when we made our plan.  After a pretty miserable experience taking down the tent and a breakfast of Peanut Butter and Nutella sandwiches in the front seat of the SUV (a staple of our Icelandic diet) we set out in search of a less rainy hike. After another scenic drive we found ourselves at the Fire Canyon which featured a couple kilometer walk through a field of bright red and black lava rocks along a river between two ridges ending in yet another waterfall. For the return trip we climbed one of the ridges for a bird’s eye view of the canyon and we found out for the first time just how out of shape I really was.

 

Upon returning to the ring road we saw nothing but rain, so we decided to backtrack just a bit to the small village of Vík where we found ourselves some warm beds and a meal of Icelandic lamb. This would be our least eventful day until the final day of the trip.

Day 5: Spirit of the Arctic Fox

Day 5 started with a short drive along the southern leg of the ring road to Skaftafell. Once a national park in its own right, Skaftafell is now part of the much larger Vatnajökull National Park. Jökull, we deduced, is the Icelandic word for glacier. Skaftafell includes two tongues of a massive glacier that takes up 8% of the land area of the entire nation. We spent about 4 hours hiking up a ridge along one of the tongues which gave several great views of the glacier, a small glacial lake with mini-icebergs, and incredible wildlife. It was here that we saw our second arctic fox which came within a few meters of us as it searched for birds’ nests in the rocks and even looked right at the camera as Perry snapped one of his pictures. We would learn several days later from a Siberian hitchhiker that these two arctic fox encounters were made possible because we contain the spirit of the arctic fox. I could continue to talk about this hike all day long, but this day is definitely best experienced in pictures.

 ^Difficult to see, but that's the arctic fox that came near us!^

 

 

Day 6: Like it’s Your Birthday Every Day

 

 

That song is without a doubt the most popular song in Iceland. Whenever we had a radio signal, that song played about once every 10 minutes. But it didn’t need to my birthday every day because this really was my birthday, it was also the day of the US-Germany match, and the day we visited the spot I most wanted to visit, the glacial lagoon. The glacial lagoon is located at the end of a different tongue of the same glacier as skaftafell and contains several incredibly gorgeous icebergs. Enjoy:

 

 

From the glacial lagoon we continued north to the village of Höfn where we figured we’d grab some seafood. We walked into an extraordinarily fancy restaurant specializing in langoustine (Icelandic Lobster) where we were greeted and served and overall treated very well. I mention that last bit because we were wearing the same sweats as the day before, hadn’t showered since before our long hike at Skaftafell and a night of camping (read: smelled like ass), and hadn’t shaved in over a week. We absolutely would not have been served at a similar restaurant in the US under any circumstances. After Höfn we continued driving up the east coast and departed from the ring road so that we could drive along the beautiful East Fjords.

 

 

After rejoining the ring road, we found a scenic overlook where we made dinner.

 

 

Finally we continued on to our destination, Mývatn, which is Icelandic for Lake of the Midges. It was very appropriately named which had us wishing we had invested in the beekeeper hats we saw around, but nonetheless it was a beautiful background for a campsite and would offer some great adventures the following day.

 

 

Day 7: Swimming in the Arctic Ocean

 

Mývatn , like Þingvellir, is situated on the mid-Atlantic Ridge. The land formations in the lake are lava flows either from eruptions of the nearby volcanos or flows that have bubbled up from the separating of the tectonic plates. Day 7 started with several short hikes at different parts of Mývatn. First up was a trek up Mt. Hverfjall. Though technically less elevation than the ridge we climbined at Skaftafell and possibly some of the volcanoes, this constituted our only official mountain climb of the trip and the summit provided incredible views of the entire region. From there we went on to lava formations on the far side of the lake and then on to the inactive volcano Viti whose crater is now filled with bright blue water from melted snow. Also near Viti was the only geothermal power plant that we were able to get an up close look at.

 

 

We then backtracked just a few kilometers before heading north to the waterfalls Dettifoss and Selfoss. Dettifoss is the most powerful waterfall in Europe and according to Perry, more impressive than Niagra Falls which I have never seen.

 

 

After the waterfalls, we moved on to the Arctic Ocean where I went for a quick swim while Perry decided he was going to be a pussy.

 

 

Finally we ended another day packed full of activities by rolling in to Akureyri, also known as the “Capital of the North.” We figured we’d sample the local night life, but the only person we met was an Icelandic-American who had just moved back to Iceland a few weeks prior after spending most of his life in Virginia. To the best of his knowledge, he is one of only three black people living in Iceland. We are only able to confirm that he is one of two. He explained to us that in Akureyri, the locals only go out on Thursdays and Saturdays so being there on a Friday meant we were out of luck. He also tipped us off on another interesting phenomenon which is that Icelanders drive around town in circles looking for bars with lots of activity, but never get out and come in. After observation both in Akureyri and elsewhere, we realized this was absolutely true. If everybody who drove by the bar multiple times had actually gotten out of their cars and come into the bars, there would have been a fairly decent crowd. Also, according to our new friend, we came at the wrong time of year. Apparently in August a small fishing village near Akureyri hosts a fish festival and people from all over the world come to eat fish and have sex. I guess the fish is just that good. We’ll have to take his word for it.

 

Day 8: Cute Hitchhikers and the “Most Famous Band in all of Iceland”

 

Day 8 was supposed to be mostly a driving day with drives along the northern coast and a peninsula in the west that was known for its spectacular views. Our trip north started a little shaky when we missed a turn, which didn’t really take us too far out of our way, but sent us through 14 km worth of tunnels that were a bit sketchy to drive through. Eventually we completed our drive along the north with a few decent pictures of the coast and then made our cut to the west.

 

 

As we made our way west, we came across a couple of hitchhikers trying to get to a town in the West Fjords. We weren’t able to get them there, but we could move them about a half hour sideways to a road where they were probably going to get more traffic than the one they were on so they decided to join us for a while. This particular pair of hitchhikers was two lovely young ladies from Siberia and Germany (The Siberian is the one that told us we had the spirit of the arctic fox). They were both ecology students in between their undergrad and masters programs in their home countries and were doing research for a local whale museum. They had a four day weekend and were going to see a friend in the fjords. After dropping them off we continued on to our peninsula where we hoped to see some more natural sites, however fate would have different plans for us. We did go to the peninsula, but whereas the rest of the island and the surrounding ocean were sunny, the universe decided to say, “Fuck this peninsula in particular” and make it cloudy and not very pleasant. The following photograph is what our photographer’s map called “one of the most beautiful photographic locations in Iceland.”

 

 

So, we cut across the peninsula and headed back inland where it was sunny. Because we cut our time their short, we made it a little farther down the road than we had planned and that made all the difference. After setting up camp just outside of Borgarnes, Perry unsuccessfully tried to make a beer run. It turns out all the stores were closed at 8 pm on a Saturday. Luckily, unlike all of the other camp grounds we had been to where fun was discouraged, this campground consisted almost entirely of native Icelanders who were out drinking, singing, and having a good time. As such, we were still able to get our hands on some beer and we learned that there was going to be a big dance in town where the most famous band in all of Iceland would be playing. Naturally we had to check it out so after hanging out with our new Icelandic friends for a while, we headed into town. Eventually we made it to what may have been some sort of community center or more likely and elementary school where it seemed everybody from the whole town, plus our friends from the campground who had travelled from the capital, were gathered in the parking lot drinking, mostly wine either straight from the bottle or from water bottles. When I say the whole town, I mean everybody aged 15-90+ was there and they were all pregaming in the parking lot. Eventually at about 1 am, the customary Icelandic time to start a party, we made our way inside to the school gym/cafeteria (where they were selling alcohol) and we danced with many, many beautiful Icelanders for the remainder of the night. We also tried some Icelandic shots which were rather strange. They started like Jaeger and finished like Rumple Minze. The concert ended around three and we all headed back to the campground. Being the weak Americans that we were, we headed to bed before 4 AM, while the Icelanders kept the party going until at least 7 AM.

 

Day 9: Pompeii of the North

 

We got a slow start the next morning, but did get on the road again. We headed south via an interior F road and made one last stop at a waterfall. 

Once we got to the south we hopped on a ferry to Heimaey, an island off the southern coast. Heimaey is known as Pompeii of the North because an eruption in 1937 buried 417 homes on the island. The eruption wasn’t all bad though, as it upped the island’s size from 11 km^2 to 13 km^2 and the ingenious locals used the fresh lava as a geothermal heat source to provide all of their heating needs for over a decade before it was cool enough to be uneconomical. Here we walked through the lava fields above where homes and businesses once stood and then climbed the volcano. Also just off the island are two other even smaller islands that each contain a single house. One of these two is the famous house that makes the front page of Imgur all the time. If you use Imgur, you’ll recognize it in the photos below.

 

 Above: Before Eruption     Below:Today

 

Once back on the mainland, we headed for a swimming pool in the mountains. The naturally heated pool was built in 1923 and is given light maintenance once a year by the locals. To reach it you park at the end of a remote gravel road after a few minutes of driving from the ring road and then hike an additional 20 minutes into the valley to reach the pool. The pool is naturally heated and not well known to tourists. Most of the people there were locals. We did meet three Americans who had heard about by asking some local kids where the best place to swim was. All in all it was the perfect relaxing way to wrap up the trip.

 

 

Day 10: Tying Up Loose Ends

 

After camping just off the ring road near ANOTHER waterfall, we headed back to Reykjavik to return the rented camping gear. We then headed out to Keflavik, home of the international airport. We decided to skip arguably the biggest tourist attraction in Iceland, the Blue Lagoon, because the weather was iffy and opted instead to go straight to the hotel. Here in our life of 4 star luxury complete with a heated towel rack, we repacked everything so that it would fit standard airline sizes and then relaxed with some Pizza (Iceland’s favorite: Domino’s), beer, and the BBC Entertainment Channel.

 

Day 11: Flying Home

 

Thanks to the time difference, our 11 AM flight from Keflavik landed in New York at 12:30 PM. After a short layover at JFK, I left for Richmond where I landed right around the time the US kicked off against Belgium. I opted to stay at the airport bar to watch the game, then drove home just in time to go to bed so I could get a full night sleep before work the next morning. Motherfucking Iceland.