Boston Bruins vs. Montreal Habenero Peppers
Our first matchup pairs the two teams that had the easiest time dispatching of their first round opponents. The Peppers remain as the Great Canadi(a)n Hope after knocking out the young and outmatched Tampa Bay Lightning in straight sets. The Bruins took a single loss in their series with the Detroit Flying Tires who get their name and logo from all the people fleeing Detroit. Bruin on the other hand is an Olde English word for brown bear coming from the Dutch word for brown and referring to a bear from a series of European parables that involved a brown bear getting tricked by a fox.
So basically what we have here is a matchup between spicy French-Canadi(a)n peppers and a stuffy, old, monocle and top hat wearing European brown bear. Game one happened last night and I picked New Europe over the Peppers 5-2 which was wrong. Seeing as small sample sizes are more accurate at predicting larger series I'm also going to switch my prediction for the entire series and take the Peppers.
Prediction: French Canadi(a)n Peppers 4 - New Europe Brown Bears 3
Pittsburgh Penguins vs. New York Rangers
Pittsburgh squeaked by the team from what is technically the most successful sports town in Ohio four games to two in the first round, but really that's pretty embarrassing considering those two losses were Ohio's first ever playoff victories. The New York Rangers took all seven games to escape the second best team from Pennsylvania in round one and now face the best team from Pennsylvania in round two. The Rangers are led by an especially motivated Martin St. Louis who missed out on the Tampa Bay scoring title by a single point after Ondrej Palat put up three points while getting swept by the Peppers for a total of 62 points in 85 games to St Louis' 61 points in 62 games. Missing out on the title drove St Louis to a team high 6 points in the first round and expect him to continue his rampage against the Pens. The outcome of this series greatly depends on whether or not Sidney Crosby's skull finally breaks for good. I like to go for the high risk, high reward gamble so I'm going to say his skull stays intact and the Pens move on.
Prediction: Pittsburgh 4 - New York 2
Minnesota Wild vs. Illinois Native Americans
How did Minnesota win it's first series? Nobody really knows. Back in 1993 the North Stars fled the state for Big D and the Mighty Ducks fled the state to join the Lakers in the greater Los Angeles area where they expect to be joined by the Vikings in 2017 after poor construction leads to their new stadium being even worse at maintaining it's structural integrity during a light snow than the old stadium. Since then Minnesota has not been known as a sporting state despite their WNBA prowess. The Wild were meant to be a one night stand rebound after getting dumped twice in one year, but they just wouldn't leave and now Minnesota is being rewarded for tolerating their existence with what is undoubtedly their last ever appearance in the second round of the playoffs. The Wild face the Native Americans from the great state of Illinois where the people are about as good at pronouncing the letter 'S' as people from Boston are at pronouncing the letter 'R'. The Natives went to six (6!) overtime periods in six games against the St. Louis Blues who are appropriately named because they are once again singing the blues after their season ended prematurely. After a bruising series, I didn't like Illinois' chances against a tough Colorado team, but after being gifted a series against the team that Minnesota picked up while wearing it's beer goggles, Illinois should have no trouble in round two. God hates Minnesota so much that he gave them hope just make their crushing defeat that much more painful.
Prediction: Native Americans 4 - Minnesota 0
Anaheim Ducks vs. Los Angeles Kings
In what is easily the best series in the second round, these cross town rivals fight for dominance in the greater Los Angeles market. The Ducks, who have found great success in the pros after fleeing Minnesota as a peewee team, dispatched their former mentors from the frigid northland in six games after an amazing come from behind victory prevented a game seven. The Kings played and lost three exhibition games (what soccer fans would refer to as friendlies) against the Northern California Sharks before sweeping their actual series 4-0. The Kings weren't considered by most people to be an actual hockey team until their inspirational run to the Stanley Cup title a mere two years ago. The Kings have 15 Canadi(a)n players to the Ducks 12, giving them the distinct advantage in this matchup.
Prediction: Kings 4 - Ducks 3
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