As an American, it is my duty to judge soccer for being a stupid sport (except during the World Cup) although I've never intentionally watched a non-world cup game. Today, I'm watching a game because nothing else is on tv and recording my thoughts.
We join the action at the 32:08 mark. The Fighting Che Guevaras are wearing blue and the Sun are wearing vertical red and white stripes. The score is Che 1, Sun 1. Good to know that my first non-world cup soccer game is such a high scoring shootout.
35: 58 - Corner kick, header, goalie tries to knock it into his own goal but the cross bar has different ideas. Cross bar is the most valuable player for the Sun right now.
38:16 - They really use the head ball liberally at this level. This just doesn't seem safe.
39:30 - I feel like the goalies could make more money as NFL punters.
41:06 - Ball goes flying into the stands and bounces around like a beach ball in the stands at an American sporting event. Fans can't seem to get a handle on it. Soccer fans everywhere, "I have no idea what to do with my hands."
43:18 - Ball out of play but the clock keeps running. Don't worry, they'll guesstimate how much time to add later. And spell check recognizes guesstimate as a real word.
44:14 - Player faking an injury. Announcers call him out for 'time wasting tactics' but still think the dude from the Che Guevaras should get a red card for touching the dudes face.
46:50 - Announcer speculates that the Liverpool players are watching this game in their hotel. That observation is probably not straight from his ass.
47:00 - Halftime!
My thoughts so far: The play really isn't that much different than hockey or even a slow-pace, Wisconsin style basketball game. I want to say hockey is better because it's so much more physical, but based on my observations of the Stanley Cup playoffs so far it really isn't. Hockey "fights" are really just bluffs. The players give up so easily the second the ref shows up that I'm 100% certain they don't actually want to fight. They just act like they want to fight to make people think they're tough but the whole time they're praying the ref steps between them before a punch is delivered.
45:00 - We're underway again and apparently replaying the last two minutes.
45:30 - Sun player goes down after missing the ball. Holds several different parts of his leg while his teammates try to convince the ref that he was touched by a Che player. Play continues. Player, "Lol, I'm healed."
48:00 - Throw-ins look like the granny-shot equivalent of an actual throw.
54:40 - Sun goalie and Che forward have an intimate moment together on the ground.
55:45 - Let me just grab your jersey and throw you to the ground. That's a fucking yellow card. I don't have to know a thing about soccer to know that was ridiculous. Announcers say he was "taking one for the team." It just looked stupid to me.
57:30 - Ball goes out of bounds on Che. Che player picks up ball and his trying to walk back on to the pitch with it in his hands. Sun player tries to take it so he can throw it in and Che player freaks out. This seems like it should be illegal.
59:45 - I think soccer would be improved with an over-and-back rule like basketball
63:00 - When they're all in the middle of the field it literally just looks like pinball. Do they have any control over what's happening in those situations? I'm legitimately asking
65:10 - Two substitutions including the Suns Macklemore lookalike leaving the game. Despite the fake injuries, it seems like these guys are really tough considering how much they run for so long. I think unlimited substitutions should be allowed.
68:48 - Goalie has a head injury so play is stopped. That means I finally get a chance to toss out this observation: There are so many instances of people begging for penalties when they fall over all on their own. Marcus Smart would excel at this. It's the only legitimate knock I have on the sport so far.
72:24 - Just happened to see a yellow card via the mirror while I was in the bathroom. Not sure what it was for.
74:48 - Getting ready for a corner kick and the penalty box looks a lot like the dance floor at the Cactus with all the grinding and twerking going on
80:00 - The keep mentioning somebody named Chelsea but I don't see any women on the pitch
81:19 - The Sun scores on a penalty kick. British announcers react with the least enthusiasm ever. Where the hell are the Mexican announcers? Also, what's this about teams loaning players to each other?
82:36 - A coach is dragged out by security. Not sure what pissed him off, but that was a bit ridiculous.
85:38 - Most surprising fact so far is that hand balls seem to be up for interpretation. Seems to me like that would be an obvious one.
88:27 - My understanding of this loaning rule (in an NFL analogy) is that if the Packers needed a Bears loss to make the playoffs but the Bears were playing a Christian Ponder led Vikings team, they could loan Aaron Rodgers to the Vikings. I'm probably way wrong about that, but the concept intrigues me.
90:30 - I really like the idea of relegation. I think more leagues should use it
92:22 - New interpretation of loaning. If the Packers have locked up a playoff spot we can loan our players to other teams that need wins so we can get more people experience?
95:18 - I thought we were playing 5 minutes of extra time, but now we're at 95:40, 41, 42, ... I don't understand this rule either.
95:58 - We're finally done. The Sun 2, Che Guevara 1.
Final thoughts: A surprisingly entertaining sport. I think it would have been more entertaining if I understood any of the rules. It seemed like every time somebody fell over it could be an obvious penalty or obviously not a penalty but they all looked the same to me. Like I mentioned earlier, I hated that there were so many complaints for non-penalties when people fell over entirely on their own. I know shit like that happens in every sport but it seemed to happen with ridiculous frequency here. I think I'll probably be watching more soccer in the future.
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